Dear Boy,

You know, when I got in your car that first time, I didn't have a real expectation. I was a little bit curious, but I wasn't expecting anything beyond the usual awkward night with free food. That's what dates were to me. Now dates are usually a walk with you through a town or city where we see new things and probably say new things and sometimes see old things and say old things too. 

Actually that first date wasn't the expected awkward (though I did get free food, but now that we share our resources, was that really free to me??). We've had many more dates because of that first one, because we're good together, because I always hoped for more time with you, because I felt something unidentifiable but also undeniable that night. Since then I've identified it as love and it's become its own thing.

You know, I think life is a happiness project. We try to figure out how to be happy, how to make other people happy, how God is happy. And I think happiness has a lot to do with balance. It's about finding joy in small moments and everyday tasks and loving life as it is currently constituted, but also making plans for and working toward improvement and change. It's a paradox about being happy with life right now and wanting to change it at the same time. It's about giving of myself as a sacrifice for others and being selfless with my time and resources, but also respecting myself enough to listen to my own heart and paying attention to my own needs. It's about finding quiet and being at peace. It's about introspection and soft sounds.  Often it's also about raucousness and a heavy beat and laughing so hard the tears come. It's about being authentic and making ourselves vulnerable, but it's also about being temperate and knowing when to restrain ourselves. It's about enjoying sex, but not to the point of perversion. It's about delighting in the taste and texture of food, but not to the point of gluttony. It's about being creative, but also practical. It's about appreciating aesthetics, but also paying attention to function. It's about needing money, but also not needing money. It's about opening my arms wide to life and whatever it presently offers, no matter how exultingly joyous or how much my heart is breaking (can you be happy while your heart is breaking?  I think the answer is yes).  Happiness has a lot to do with gratitude and maybe some to do with humor. I guess happiness is kind of confusing, or just difficult. I guess that's why I started by saying life is a happiness project. 

In that case, thanks for being a part of my happiness project. You make some things easy. And you make me laugh about your dumb webinar. You are everything to me. 

L