Dear Lady,

I'm glad we ended up married. You and me just go so well together.
It has been quite the journey becoming husband and wife and then parents. It's not an easy thing is it? It's crazy when I think about it sometimes. Choosing to be a parent is definitely not as the world sees it—an abandonment of opportunity to live wild and free—it's the ultimate show of courage. In becoming parents we have no idea what is in store for us. We don't know what gender the child will have. We can't know the personality. We don't know our challenges from day to day. We do it though. Some days it's great. Some days it's insane. But we do it, and those moments when all our family is safely gathered in—safe and peaceful—are of more value than any moments the single individuals of the world can claim to.
I'm glad that I am a parent with you. There is no one I would rather do this with. No one I would rather see every day when I wake up. You are every best moment of my life. You are my life. I hope you always remember how much this brown-eyed kid loves you. How special you are to this explorer.

.a boy

Sent from my iPad

Dear Boy,

I have a difficult time "living in the moment" because I generally feel unsatisfied with myself. There is a constant lack in what I am and what I do. My thought on myself and what I do is this: I'm an ant. I scurry, hurry around, keep busy, keep on planning, but in a fairly meaningless way. So I look forward to a future wherein I will mystically and magically be enough- smart enough, patient enough, organized enough, kind enough, healthy enough, etc., etc. And then, then everything I do, scurrying or not, will have great meaning.

I'm telling you this because last night, you fell asleep and I was awake next to you with my cheek on your back and my arm around your waist and my mind turning (as always, ever turning). I thought about the brevity and fragility of life, but wasn't bothered by it. For those minutes (maybe many) before I drifted into unconsciousness, for once I felt enough. I did not look to the future, I did not hope to be anything different, I did not succumb to my usual worry, I did not feel inadequate, I was not overwhelmed. I was filled with complete contentment. It was such an unusual feeling that I'm still reeling a bit from the experience.

So on unrelated notes:

Thank you for my engagement ring, again. I like being engaged with you. Being married to you is my favorite thing to be. By far. And my ring is a beautiful reminder of that. Every time I notice it there on my finger, I smile thinking of the prospect of being engaged in this kind of friendship with you and taking this continual walk with you.

What should I do with that dog?? Bathe her?

Nolan's games don't start for two weeks, so he won't have to miss one tomorrow. He needs a glove to play... we have one that belonged to my sisters, but it's for right handers. What do you think? Have him throw with his right hand? Or try to find a lefty glove? Do they even make those in small sizes? I'll send him with the one we have today, because it didn't occur to me until this morning.

Thank you for the imagination dragons music. Thank you especially for caring. I didn't expect you to, but it really feels nice when you show interest in something I'm interested in and vice-versa. I don't think it happens too often -us having common interests beyond our family, home, and the church. Perhaps it doesn't matter that we don't care much about the same things, but I deeply appreciated your effort.

I love you, dear boy. I miss you when you're not here. I always hope your days will be full and happy.

Love, the big L

Dear Lady,

i spent some time this morning listening to Imagine Dragons. You liked them. You talked about them. So I thought it would be worth my time to check them out too. I'll admit they're not my favorite kind of music, but I did think they were really good. I couldn't find any of the instances where he harmonized with the girl, but their stuff was still really good. It was varied too. It reminded me a little bit of XTC—that old album i got at Cornell.
i guess i should say that i do like Imagine Dragons a lot, but that they are more of a contemplative sound to me—not so much something i just pop in in the background. They would be neat to see in concert though (if they ever come to the area we should check 'em out). It's nice to have the added comfort of knowing a band's morals too; i would never worry about the content with Imagine Dragons. The band members seem cool too. i found some stuff that they did on YouTube, just joking around, and it was pretty great too. Maybe you should check out the Avett Brothers. i burned their cd onto our computer . . . i think. They aren't as hard as Imagine Dragons, but they do have the same folk sort of vibe.
Anyway, i love you. Have a great day. And, if you have time, check out the iPod app on the iPhone. Look under 'I' in the artists section—i got you a little something (it was the only one they had).

.a boy

Sent from my iPad

Dear Lady,

It's not much, but it's a quick note to tell you that you are my every inspiration. I told you once about a conversation I had with Janelle about my choice of career path—how I wanted to do something that mattered in the world, something that would help people. Her response to me was that my writing and creativity had made a huge difference in her life, and by extension in the lives of the children she would have, and so on. Well, I need to tell you that you are that influence in my life. Our every conversation, our every moment together, you encourage me and lift me up. Every time I want to give up on something you buoy me up again.
Its hard to spend so much of your day in pursuits that are not entirely satisfying. Banking is really not for me, and I long to do something else. It's hard though, to try and build up something else in the time of day remaining to me. I know that, in the long run, it would be for the best to give the time now and set myself up for the future, but it's still easy to get frustrated and give up.
Your interest and encouragement in my writing, photography, and adventuring, keep me going. You are my every last bit of energy. I keep trying because I know how much that effort means to you. I hope that, someday, we will both find that balance of duty and passion we both want. Until then I hope you'll continue to trust me, love me, and hold my hand along the journey.

Your boy