Dear L,

Thank you.
Just thank you.
What else is there to say to someone who is no longer just someone, but who has become a part of your very soul and being? Is thank you enough? Is thank you even appropriate?
You have become as natural a part of me as breathing. And does one say thank you to their brain? Or lungs? Yet the way you move in my life and heart and soul seems somehow beyond even breathing. Beyond everything.

. . .

Yes, I had a birthday this week. I'm 36. I've lived for 36 years, and all I can think right now is how very much I regret those 22 years when your life was not entwined with mine.
Oh how I wish to have lived your childhood with you! To have loved that little curly haired girl for her whole life!
Though, let's be honest: we met at the right time. I've said it before, but the me that was me before you was definitely not the guy you would have been friends with (and knowing your school work ethic, as I do, I can't see that old version of me going out of his way to hang out with you . . . ) Somehow we just have to accept the time we get and make the most of it.
I suppose this last thought could always and forever define my relationship with you: happy to just get whatever time I'm given with you. Do you remember me saying that to you so very long ago? That night when you told me there'd been someone else in your life? Someone who was very far away at the time? Someone who so many had told you to tell me about? That someone I'd known about since that night I showed up to ask you on that first date, and seen his pictures all over your room.
Still, I asked you out.
And that night when you finally had the courage to tell me about him I told you that I'd known all along. That I'd always supposed you might, at some moment, realize this was all a mistake and return to him. And I told you that I didn't care. I told you that I was still there because of you. Because you are such an important person in the history of the world that I was willing to take whatever time I was given. Even if you were ultimately going to go back to him, I was happy to have whatever time you would give me.
And how happy I've been to have all this time that you've given to me.
To have shared your life with me.
For your life to have become my life.
You have no idea the peace and love you are to me.
There is very much, anymore, that can truly bother me.
All I need is a few moments in your arms and everything is fine.
Everything is beautiful.
So thank you for that.
Just thank you.

.PtB

Dear Boy,

It's your birthday!  Shout hooray!  Or wish everyone else a happy birthday. Whatever you want. It's your birthday. 

For your birthday, we have running water. And a warm fire. And some snow. And birthday sex. And our cozy little family. And one-eyed Sammy. And a lot of toys in our bed. And a super late night with our friends who didn't know it was your birthday. I feel bad/awkward about that. And cheesecake. And neat new headphones. 

I hope you know how very much I care for you. You are everything to me. You have really made my life. You are the thing of my life. If you were all I ever got, that would be fine. You, alone are enough to have made this worth doing. And I can't thank you enough for that. 

I have so much confidence in you. I can pick up where you lack confidence, because I trust that you will and already have done great things. I see you and know that you have an exorbitant amount of strengths and a whole lot of good about you. You are capable of more than the average Joe. And I love to be here to watch you. And I have loved the experience of watching you over the years as you figure yourself out. I have loved growing up with you. I expect that we will keep discovering and growing forever. That is what eternal progression means, I think. 

So, here's to 36 years on this earth. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have (though I'm short a couple years).  I hope you will always find the curious and beautiful and worthwhile things. And I hope you will always share what you find with me. 

Happy Birthday

L