Dear Lady,

I am always sorry to hear of you unwell: whether emotionally, physically, or spiritually. You are a powerhouse of goodness in my life and in the lives of all those you meet. You constantly drain yourself on behalf of others and the world is significantly better because of it.
I never mean to burden you with my own thoughts or concerns, but I am always grateful for any opportunity to just sit and talk with you. I value your thoughts and opinions above all others. You are, forever, my better half. You make me constantly strive to be better just by being in my life.
I included the picture at top to remind you of the beautiful moments in our lives; to remind you of those times when we can breathe deeply of beauty around us. I love to take these moments with you: to walk, to explore, to sit, and to wonder. What a beautiful family we have built up around just the idea that you and I love each other and how grateful I am for the miracle baby on it's way.
I was surprised to hear you say you wanted an ultrasound, but I understand why you want it. Will you also, then, want to know the gender?
I was glad to hear about your positive conversation with Deb about becoming a midwife. I love to see you in love with an idea. I am looking forward to helping you pursue your goal however I can. You'll make a great nurse midwife. You'll make a great anything (and you make a great scrambled egg . . . )
I hope you find reason to laugh and smile today. I hope I'm one of those reasons. I hope you are upstairs resting well and I hope to see you soon.

.a boy

Dear Boy,

You know, when I got in your car that first time, I didn't have a real expectation. I was a little bit curious, but I wasn't expecting anything beyond the usual awkward night with free food. That's what dates were to me. Now dates are usually a walk with you through a town or city where we see new things and probably say new things and sometimes see old things and say old things too. 

Actually that first date wasn't the expected awkward (though I did get free food, but now that we share our resources, was that really free to me??). We've had many more dates because of that first one, because we're good together, because I always hoped for more time with you, because I felt something unidentifiable but also undeniable that night. Since then I've identified it as love and it's become its own thing.

You know, I think life is a happiness project. We try to figure out how to be happy, how to make other people happy, how God is happy. And I think happiness has a lot to do with balance. It's about finding joy in small moments and everyday tasks and loving life as it is currently constituted, but also making plans for and working toward improvement and change. It's a paradox about being happy with life right now and wanting to change it at the same time. It's about giving of myself as a sacrifice for others and being selfless with my time and resources, but also respecting myself enough to listen to my own heart and paying attention to my own needs. It's about finding quiet and being at peace. It's about introspection and soft sounds.  Often it's also about raucousness and a heavy beat and laughing so hard the tears come. It's about being authentic and making ourselves vulnerable, but it's also about being temperate and knowing when to restrain ourselves. It's about enjoying sex, but not to the point of perversion. It's about delighting in the taste and texture of food, but not to the point of gluttony. It's about being creative, but also practical. It's about appreciating aesthetics, but also paying attention to function. It's about needing money, but also not needing money. It's about opening my arms wide to life and whatever it presently offers, no matter how exultingly joyous or how much my heart is breaking (can you be happy while your heart is breaking?  I think the answer is yes).  Happiness has a lot to do with gratitude and maybe some to do with humor. I guess happiness is kind of confusing, or just difficult. I guess that's why I started by saying life is a happiness project. 

In that case, thanks for being a part of my happiness project. You make some things easy. And you make me laugh about your dumb webinar. You are everything to me. 

L

Dear Lady,

I'm deep in the midst of an awesome webinar. Now, I recommend that you read this again in as sarcastic a tone as you can imagine: I'm deep in the midst of an awesome webinar.
. . .
Sorry, it's so awesome that it won't just play all the way through. I have to keep clicking continue after each slide. That's what that inserted pause was. I've done everything I can to find a
. . .
"continuous play" button but I haven't
. . .
found anything.
I always fee like they make these webinars for elementary school students. Even then though they're a little pandering. I know that, in reality, they've made these for adults who've been in this career field for a while
. . .
which is a frightening prospect when you think about it really. If you have so great faith in your workers, why speak to them this way? And, if you NEED to speak to them this way, then you NEED new employees.
. . .
It's about Green building.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
Sorry—had to take a quick quiz.
This is stupid information. Turn off and unplug everything when you're not using it. Always put plug in bathtub before filling and only fill halfway. Line dry clothes. Fix leaks.
I mean, really. We needed a webinar for this? And it's a $200 webinar.
What!?
Here's how we can save time and money:
. . .
Don't make us sit in front of a computer for three hours listening to someone recite common sense back to us.
Anyway, these kinds of things are always unbelievable.

I hope the van drove alright for you. I really couldn't believe how bad the rotors looked. I really can't believe that Goodyear didn't say anything. They noticed the alignment and suggested a repair, but they didn't notice that the brakes and rotors are rusty beyond all belief?
. . .
I feel like this webinar is putting me in a bit of a bitter mood. Not my intention.
So let me change tack this way: I love you. I have been growing in love with you from the moment you first got in my car.
. . .
I'm looking forward to hanging out with you and Caitlin and Josh tonight. They may not always provide the conversation we're looking for, but they've been good friends. I really do look forward to their company. I really enjoy how much you laugh when they're with us.
I'll see you tonight!

.a boy

Dear Boy,

I read your latest note while I waited in my car for my ticket this morning. Add boundary pushing to my list of quirks, I guess. But seriously, thank you for always loving me so well. Thank you for rubbing my neck when I have a headache. Thank you for notes and flowers. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for forgiving me. 

Oh, I love you so much. There is nothing so comfortable as getting in bed with you at night and waking up next to you in the morning. There is no adventure that I want to go on without you. You just make my life. In a lot of ways, you are my life. 

Lady 

Dear Lady,

The thrill of meeting and dating and falling in love is amazing. I have such very energetic memories of that time in our lives— a whirlwind few months in the spring and summer of 2004.
But you know what struck me yesterday? As we were getting ready for bed last night?

I was finishing up downstairs, brushing teeth, etc. and I noticed those dangerously loose sweatpants on the floor. I picked them up to bring upstairs and noticed that red shirt of mine—the one you'd worn the previous night for a pajama—so I picked that up too, and I thought, "I'd better take this up to Lindsay in case she wants to sleep in it again. She does seem to prefer something about my shirts over her own."
No sooner had I finished this thought then another, happier thought occurred to me, and I thought, "I love the little quirks and traits that I know about you. I love those things that only I know. I loved the passion of meeting and falling in love, but I love this even more. I love that I know you like to sleep in my shirts. I love that I know you occasionally talk in your sleep—just like your daughter. I love knowing that driving to Ithaca makes you recklessly tired sometimes. I love knowing that you hate washing silverware but not pots and pans while I hate them oppositely. I love knowing that more often than not if you're on your phone you're on Facebook or Instagram."
Do you know what I mean? I love all of these little things that have become mine alone to know. These little elements of you that are unknown to the rest of the world. This is the beauty of love and relationship.
Thank you for stumbling this road with me.
I love you.

.Patrick