Dear Boy,

So.... invest in real estate like President Kimball?

I think you are and will be good at anything you decide to do.  You're just extraordinary.  That means: way more than average.  You're a different kind of a person --in a very good way.  When I first started to know you, I felt that right away.  I knew that I wouldn't run across many of your caliber.  I also knew that I felt something pretty dynamically special for you.  And I still do.  Even more so.

I trust you to do your best.  I trust that your best is really good.  And I trust that the Lord will take care of us.  The specifics are superfluous if your heart is in the right place.  

I spent two hours at the food pantry this afternoon.  And it was a sweet relief to serve like that and to smile at people who don't get many smiles.  It reminded me of my past with the food pantry and how I came to know many of the people and love being with them.  They are so humble.  They weather trials that a portion of the world never have to think about.  There is so much to learn from them.

That's all.  Now I'm off to spackle at the barn.  I still think spackle is a word, even though this Mac doesn't recognize it as such.  Some call it mud.  Others call it joint compound.  I think it deserves its own distinct name.

From Your Lady

Dear Lady,
Thanks for talking to me last night. i can be kind of a mess some times. i spent most of last night and this morning and the first half of work thinking about what path i ought to take for the support of our family and all of our adventures. What i'm settling upon is that if i only manage to earn gainful employ—if i but secure good income for our family, i could then also pursue every other interest of my heart. Maybe some would succeed. Likely that some would fail. Perhaps a few might change the face of things (though honestly there's not much reason to venture out into the unknown save it is to change things).
What i mean is that, as you said last night, if we are wealthy, then that is the door to everything else. That's capital. That's investment on our own terms. That's our ticket to traveling the world. Our ticket to doing the most good. i do not think i am interested enough in film to do it forever. Nor in finance. Nor in anything. But i can be interested enough in anything long enough to change the face of it. i have yet to fully commit to this ideal, but when my dust settles, i feel this will be the decision that satisfies or exceeds all my family's needs and longings.
i love you so very much. i am so very grateful for your everlasting patience with a wandering soul such as mine. Our home is looking amazing. What an unforgettable weekend of kindness was given us. What good stock you really do come from. You yourself are it's torch bearer. You're stronger and more able than you'll ever admit to or realize, and i will remain by your side into the eternities if you'll have me.

i love your entirety.
.a boy


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Dear Boy,

Thunder is closing in on us.  I love it.  It's been a rough day, but I think it might get better.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not really cut out for being a stay at home mom.  Like this week.  And I'm only half way through.  It makes me sad to feel this way, because it feels so wrong.  All I dreamed of being one day was a mother and a dang good one, but here I am in the thick of it and I find myself less than dang good and wishing there was a way out sometimes.

Dear Boy,
I didn't get to finish yesterday.  No nap time will do that for me.  But here I am today, in (almost) a new letter and a miracle has happened.  It is 50 minutes past closing the bedroom door for sweet solace and....  dah dah dah..... I haven't seen a whiny Nolan yet.

Anyhow, nothing changed today except maybe my attitude.  I'm ready to keep going.  So I struggle with my full-time job.  Sometimes it so taxing that I can't hold back a few tears.  Sometimes by lunchtime I feel so exhausted that I wonder how I'll make it through the rest of the day.  Or week.  But whatever position I could have picked, I probably would be worn out by it once in a while.  I know there are struggles in any job.   It stands that I chose this one and I still choose it.  I'm not about to give up.  Maybe by the time we have fifteen, mothering small children will be cake.

In other news.... the carpet is installed.  It's a nice color.  It's soft and cushiony.  The boys just ran around in circles in the middle of the room.  They danced.  They ran from wall to wall to wall.  They fell down many times.  They rolled around all over the floor.  When they got tired they just laid on their backs in the middle.  And then they'd start all over again.  Gerret brought his trains up.  Nolan played with matchbox cars.  I will feel a little sad for them when we move in the furniture.  What could be more inviting to a child than a wide open, soft, clean space to enjoy?  I ran around with them for a while and wow! is that carpet nice!

So now it's a full hour into nap time and it's looking like it's the real deal.  I think I'm going to go collapse on our bed and try to recover from the past week.  Thanks for working alongside me even until midnight.  I don't think I would be able to keep going up there if I was doing it alone.  Doing hard things is not so hard when I'm doing them with you.  I suppose that's what marriage is about.  I'm glad to be married to you.

-Lady

Dear Lady,
Wow did i ever have crazy dreams last night. Actually it was more like i kept falling asleep to the same messed up crazy dream. i'm glad that's over. Now, instead, i'm laying in bed next to you thinking maybe you shouldn't come to the barn with me because what if the boys wake up while we're gone.
Anyways, i love you and i'm sorry you don't have the friends you wish you did. i can relate though. You're the only real friend i've got besides Ed


—if you can count Ed. i spend large quantities of each day with people who will only ever be work acquaintances, and who often times make me feel uncomfortable. i wish it wasn't the case, and that we both had more local friends, but our current situation is what it is—current. i like to remember that it is only current. This isn't a forever. In fact it will be a small blip ten years from now.
i think you're on the right track with your resolves. Most particularly i think you could find a great friend in Mrs. Nyre, with some effort. Michael is a nice guy and i enjoy talking with him. Our families are pretty much perfect for each other. Though it will be nice to have the Chaffees up this weekend (though preparation for it is a little crazy).
There's a loud cat meowing off in the house somewhere right now. Our cat counts amongst the loud annoying ones now, wouldn't you agree?


Oh Cinder!
i hope your day is a great one, and full of smiles. Don't stress out about the barn. Remember that we've done amazingly, and that we only have so much time. Don't let anyone else stress you out either. Its okay to say no, but do so kindly but firmly. We are not super-people. Rather we are a family of people who do what we can in super ways. We've accomplished more than the average individual could have in the past month. You are amazing and you will never cease to amaze me (or drive me crazy).
i love your entirety.

.a boy

Dear Boy,

I'm terrible at making friends.  I feel so awkward talking to people that I don't know (and even to people who I do know sometimes).... but I really need to associate with more people.  Particularly the uplifting kind.  Especially the female kind.  I need good mothering examples.  I yearn to hear other people's ideas and opinions.  I really miss Dana for that.  She was so good at articulating her thoughts.  I'm not at all.  But I could be better if I didn't only associate with people who overwhelm me.  So... I'm going to try to be more vigilant about going to playgroup (after this week) even though I feel so out of place there.  And...... I'm going to do more to be friends with Mrs. Nyre.  I think we both could benefit.

Thank you for being my very best friend despite my awkward, self-conscious, sometimes lunatic mannerisms.  I'm a work in progress.

Yours truly and forever,
Lady

P.S.  I enjoy this blog.  Would you like to keep it going?  Would you like to somehow make it better?  Would you making me an officer in it (or whatever they call someone with all authority?)

Dear Boy,

How about a 3-day weekend?  And sunshine?  And fireworks?  And the company of friends?

I'm trying not to be stressed out about tomorrow.  I'm thinking relaxing thoughts.  I'm trying to take things one step at a time.  What a difficult task for my type.  You know, the freaking out type.

I just spent a very long time trying to choose a replacement Shabby Apple dress.  So far, I am unsuccessful.  As it turns out, I think internet purchases are not so great.  They aren't usually cheaper, plus you pay for shipping, plus you don't fully comprehend what you're getting, and then if you don't like (or fit) what you ended up with, you might pay for shipping a second time.  As much as I think Shabby Apple has nice style, I think I'm finished with them after this.

As far as education goes... I like the idea of home-schooling.  I might even think it is the ideal.  At the same time, I find myself constantly struggling with reality in the face of my mind's ideals.  I moderate such struggles by reminding myself to just worry about the present.  It's okay, even preferred, to have ideals and goals, but it's not okay to be overwhelmed trying to be them.

I guess I'm also that type.  At least I recognize that, right?

I love you.  Let's go hiking in the next three days.  Thanks for being ever patient with me.  It was nice to hear from you at lunchtime.  It always is.  Because I love you.  I really, really do.

-Your Lady