I liked having the dream of farming with you. Even if it wasn't perfect or even very feasible, I just liked having a dream. Something to look forward to. Something to work on. Something to think about and plan for. I like the idea of seeing more of you. I like having common goals that cause more collaboration.
I do like the idea of a homestead (in Spokane?) but it's fairly sad to me that it's not something we could thrive off of. So what now? I don't really like to just keep going as I am because I need something to feel like I'm working towards besides a clean kitchen and a weekly menu. Surviving the grocery store with three kids is somewhat of a triumph, but not enough for me. I feel like I could do something else, something more, and still do everything I already am doing.
On a completely different note, I have some shame or embarrassment related to sex, especially when it comes to talking about it. I thought writing my notes instead of saying them aloud would be easier for me, but it turns out I'm equally inhibited when it comes to writing, even if all it would take is copying and pasting. I wish I could be more honest and forthcoming when it came to this, but something in me won't allow for that. So there's that.
I love you. I hope by some miracle you always know it, because I think I do a crappy job of showing it. Thank you for being ever patient with me and kind to me. I don't know how you do it, but I'm grateful you do. You see something in me that I have yet to see for myself and maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.
-a lady
