That letter did actually show up on my blog in google reader. Don't worry though. I think I've successfully scared away most of my former blog visitors with less-frequent-than-infrequent and mostly-boring posts.
I missed the storm this morning, though I did watch the one last night long after you passed to unconsciousness. I love storms like I love fireflies like I love ice-cream cones like I love gray cats like I love boy giggles like I love tickling the ivories like I love dirty garden hands like I love bike riding through the countryside. And if you put all of that together into one big love, it'd look like a speck next to the love I have for you. In fact all of my greatest loves are not big at all compared to the love I love you with.
So this is what I think about solely persuing a passion versus working soley and passionately at something other than a passion... I'm beginning to think it is necessary to follow a dream. Perhaps working hard at one special thing allows a person to be better at everything else they do. Perhaps only a handful of lucky people have their professions in what they truly love and/or are most talented in. Perhaps it is luckier to not be in that line of work --to have something wonderful at home/on the side/filling in the cracks/like a hidden treasure-- to not be defined by the way you earn a living. Maybe it allows one to have contact with more, varied people. Maybe the separation is a healthier thing, because it seems that those whose professions are their passion often allow it to take over their lives. I might just be trying to point out that balance is essential. At the same time, having a dream and following after it is also essential. I wish I had realized this ten years ago.
I know for myself, I really need to do something that I love and that I can focus on. I am a stay-at-home-mom, but I don't want that to define me. Staying at home is the way I currently "earn my living". It's my job. Its not my favorite thing to do. And most of all, I stink at it. But... I think it's important that I do this, I realize I won't stay at home with small children forever, and I think I can become better at it even if it's not my passion. But... I need something else. And that brings me back to focusing on something I do love/feel good at. That may be the key to coming to better terms with my staying-at-home status, might even allow me to love it more. At the very least, it would feel fulfilling to do something that I really like doing. It may improve my perception of myself. It may improve the boys' perception of me.
It would be nice if that thing I did was with you. It would be nice to work on something more with you than cleaning the kitchen. I wish we did, but it often seems that the things you enjoy and the things I enjoy are vastly different. Maybe we could alternate months to choose a project?
