> I don't know if you're awake or asleep for this, but I pulled up a chair to the back door to listen to the thunderstorm. Some of it has been so terrific that I could hear it in the shower even though the bathroom window was closed.
> Cinder is here now, hoping I'll let her outside.
> Thank you for your continuing love and support in my life. You've no idea how heavily I lean upon you. (We just lost power for a few seconds there) I'm glad I've always been able to perform well in this job because it has meant a lot for our family, but I wish I knew how to really enjoy it, or how to go about doing something I really enjoy. As always, it's a shame we're not just paid to be together.
> I'm not sure if this now six year struggle is because of a perception I lack, or because I've sold myself short. I'm not sure if I'm dissatisfied because of the line of work I'm in, or because I just have a hard time sitting still—meaning maybe I need to constantly be getting promoted. I think it's the former though because I did just get promoted and yet I'm still anxious and fidgety. (I think I just saw lightning strike the same place twice)
> I regret not changing majors to some kind of science. Something that would have given me an avenue to the outdoors. I felt sure I was following answers to my prayers when I pursued film, bit I guess my always lackluster pursuit of film should have been an indication to me that it was no longer for me. Or maybe that I had the wrong approach to it. After that first year in the program I never cared about film the same way again. It has just been a steady decline away from my interest in it. (I think lightning just struck there a third time) The Lord will provide us counsel, but he won't tell us to do something or marry someone we don't wish to do or marry. I think perhaps that was an issue. When I wanted to marry you I really wanted to marry you, and the Lord honored that. Whenever I prayed for a career though, I just kind of left it up in the air. Kind of like "tell me anything and I'll do it" and that's not really appropriate I don't think. So then I pursued film like I work at the credit union: doing my best, and doing good things, but without any real love of it.
> Should we love what we do before we begin, or should we just pursue the path we fall into and find happiness there. Because it's not like I've been unhappy. I meet good people. Get good benefits and pay for our family. (We lost power again—now it's back) Help people and improve the credit union. It's been great. But I grew myself on fantasy and adventure, and I guess work at a credit union just falls short of that. Is that silly? To steal a line from Stardust, I don't feel like much of a shop boy.
> I'll keep at it with the credit union forever if necessary, it pays well and let's me learn new things and I become an example for the church in the community. But is there something greater out there for us? More epic? More adventurous? I guess that's what I'm always wondering ands hoping.
> All this should not be misconstrued as dissatisfaction with anything. That's not what I am implying, but my favorite parts of the day are those I spend with my family and those when I'm outside, and I just wonder if there's work out there for me that involves more of those two things. I sure hope so, because I could never see enough of you.
> I love your everything.
> .Patrick the Boy
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> Sent from my iPad
