Nolan asked, for the second time this month, how a baby gets in the mommy's tummy. I don't know how I skirted the issue last time, but today I told him that a mommy and a daddy each have one cell and when the mommy's cell meets the daddy's cell they grow together to make a baby. I was hoping he wouldn't ask for any clarification. I'm not yet prepared to have that type of discussion with him. I don't even really like to talk about sex with you. Perhaps that is a symptom of more profound malady on my part. I wish I were better at sharing myself and expressing my ideas, concerns, dreams, etc. It seems I am primarily engaged in filling up space when I speak --and only when it's necessary. I was recently thinking about forming friendships. That's really why I want a job- I want a friend- but I realized that simply being employed wouldn't be the solution. I think I'm fairly proficient at asking questions, listening and truly being interested in other people, but that seems to be only half of the equation when it comes to forming (or nurturing) a relationship. I think I finally understand that deep, lasting relationships are rooted in giving and receiving, both being equally important and on knowing each other. It can't be one-sided. Perhaps I'm past my prime for having this realization and anyway I don't know how to retrain myself to share my heart. At least there's nothing heartfelt about teaching the facts about baby-making.
