Thunder is closing in on us. I love it. It's been a rough day, but I think it might get better.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not really cut out for being a stay at home mom. Like this week. And I'm only half way through. It makes me sad to feel this way, because it feels so wrong. All I dreamed of being one day was a mother and a dang good one, but here I am in the thick of it and I find myself less than dang good and wishing there was a way out sometimes.
Dear Boy,
I didn't get to finish yesterday. No nap time will do that for me. But here I am today, in (almost) a new letter and a miracle has happened. It is 50 minutes past closing the bedroom door for sweet solace and.... dah dah dah..... I haven't seen a whiny Nolan yet.
Anyhow, nothing changed today except maybe my attitude. I'm ready to keep going. So I struggle with my full-time job. Sometimes it so taxing that I can't hold back a few tears. Sometimes by lunchtime I feel so exhausted that I wonder how I'll make it through the rest of the day. Or week. But whatever position I could have picked, I probably would be worn out by it once in a while. I know there are struggles in any job. It stands that I chose this one and I still choose it. I'm not about to give up. Maybe by the time we have fifteen, mothering small children will be cake.
In other news.... the carpet is installed. It's a nice color. It's soft and cushiony. The boys just ran around in circles in the middle of the room. They danced. They ran from wall to wall to wall. They fell down many times. They rolled around all over the floor. When they got tired they just laid on their backs in the middle. And then they'd start all over again. Gerret brought his trains up. Nolan played with matchbox cars. I will feel a little sad for them when we move in the furniture. What could be more inviting to a child than a wide open, soft, clean space to enjoy? I ran around with them for a while and wow! is that carpet nice!
So now it's a full hour into nap time and it's looking like it's the real deal. I think I'm going to go collapse on our bed and try to recover from the past week. Thanks for working alongside me even until midnight. I don't think I would be able to keep going up there if I was doing it alone. Doing hard things is not so hard when I'm doing them with you. I suppose that's what marriage is about. I'm glad to be married to you.
-Lady
