I'll be honest—I hate the fact that I get so tired in the evening. Like literally hate it.
Now, this doesn't mean I dislike mornings. I love the quiet of the morning. I'm downstairs right now sitting beside the fire that I just re-stoked and I'm loving it. What a beautiful thing it was to bring this wood stove into our lives.
Anyway, back to night time: I hate the way I get so sleepy as soon as the kids are in bed. I think I hate it so much because I think it gives off the impression that I'm not excited to be awake and alone with you at last. I feel like it gives you the impression that I'm bored and I just feel like it's insulting to you when I nod off—and I hate that idea. I guess I feel like you deserve a friend who's energetic and dynamic in the evenings with you and I want so badly to be that person—then I fall asleep.
I'm sorry for that.
I want you to know how much I do love you. How much I do love being alone with you in the evening. Even if all that's happening is me watching you reading articles on your phone, I love it (though I wish I was providing excitement enough that we didn't need to be on our screens in the evening).
From the moment we met I've wanted nothing more than time with you. I love time with you. I spent the better part of a decade frustrated in my career pursuits in part because I needed something that provided what I felt was adequate time with you. In reality there's no such thing as adequate time with you (thank you eternity) which is why I am excited about the idea of farming. There's a lot I like about it, but most important to me is how it brings the two of us together. I hope you're excited about it too. I think we can create a beautiful farm!
I'll be seeing you in about an hour when I come to wake you up at 6:10. I look forward to that time everyday. You're my whole world, and I hope you always know that.
.a boy
