On this day of gratitude and Thanksgiving let me just say that I'm incredibly grateful for you. So very grateful. I don't even know what the right words are to express how grateful I am for you. I suspect that there just aren't words . . .
It's 4:30 on the morning of Thanksgiving and I'm awake and alone downstairs getting the fire going again. I had planned to sleep-in with you today, but the house felt a bit chilly and I remembered how cold it's supposed to be today so I decided I probably ought to come down and get the fire going again before it got any colder and while there were still coals to work with.
I wanted to sleep-in with you because I'm not a big fan of the disparate nature of our sleep habits. I don't like that I fall asleep so suddenly and without warning once evening sets in. I am sorry every time that happens. And I know that you say that you've just come to expect it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Though I will say that I've been trying, lately, to better accept myself for who I am and not wait for who I want to be or who I think I ought to be. After all the old saying is that happiness is not in a destination, but in a journey.
So I've been trying to find less fault in myself. To stop being jealous of the things I'm not and like the things that I am.
Oh, but I am growing out my stubble to be sexier :)
I hope that last bit made you smile, because I absolutely love to think of you smiling.
It's tough for me to see you down.
Like yesterday.
I feel so helpless at those times.
I hope that I'm at least some measurable comfort to you on nights like that. I love you so much. And if there's anyway I can better support you please let me know.
So Happy Thanksgiving to you! I hope it's a day of happiness. I hope you enjoy watching the parade for the first time in years. I hope you enjoy that I got supplies for a meat-cheese-cracker platter like I always had growing up. And I even got the chicken-in-a-bisket crackers of my youth :) They may be disgusting, but if so I also got Ritz crackers.
Again, let me just emphasize how much I love you. How grateful I am for you. And though I'm alone downstairs right now, I am so very grateful to know that you and our four children are warm and safe and at peace in this house in your beds.
You are every greatest moment of my life! You are a part of every moment of my life!
.PtB
