It turns out life is a lot harder than I ever expected. I feel like it's completely broken me. I don't even know what to do with that. I just keep going, you know? I do as much as I can, but I often feel like I would be capable of so much more if I wasn't so on the brink of crumbling constantly. So then I just keep going. To be sure, there are good parts of living, too. I am so grateful to spend every day with you. I love our four super awesome, unique kids. I feel so good outside among plants and beneath the sky. Autumn is colorful and fragrant. I look forward to a cozy winter beside a wood fire. I am glad to finally be working toward a goal that I chose for myself. I feel comfortable with whatever faith I've salvaged from the wreckage of that mess. I'm grateful to be of some bit of help to my mom and my grandma. This little corner of the world we've made home the past many years is so comfortable and feels so safe. There are so many good things. Thankfully, I am surrounded by them, because all of it helps me to keep it together. It being myself.
Thanks for doing this with me. Thanks for all of the late night walks recently. Thanks for all the million things you do in our home for me and our kids. Thanks for somehow remembering so many details that I forget -memories from long ago and current tasks like Auby's antibiotics and changing the cars' oil. And on and on. You're amazing. I'm sorry that you are frustrated by yourself frequently. I wish I could take that from you. I'm frustrated with myself often, too. So, I guess we're just two peas in a pod. Ha ha.
L
