Here comes October and a new baby. Here we are managing our own house, repairing (or dispairing)our own cars, sending a child off to school, dreaming of farms and things. Crazy, huh? That's what I've been thinking today as I muddled around. We've come so far from where we were when we met (almost eight years ago... Crazy huh?). And we still have so much to do. Yet, I muddle around a lot. I wish it were a symptom of pregnancy, but I know this miserably large figure is not to blame. It's just that sometimes (pregnant or not), I get stuck doing little or nothing, even though I have high aspirations, plenty of things I could be doing, and a desire to accomplish great things. Sometimes instead of doing great things, I do no things at all. It's something I struggle against. Of course, recognition is the first step to recovery, so I haven't lost hope, and I don't always have a hard time with action, just often enough to be of some concern. I don't wait for certain circumstances before I'll be truly happy, because I am happy. I love my life. It's beautiful where we live. Our house is lovely for us. I consider it a privilege and blessing to be the mother of Nolan and Gerret. I love to be your wife and your friend. I enjoy my service in the church. I have a testimony and experience such a full life because of my membership in the church and the covenants I've made. No, I have no need to wait for anything before I feel happy, however sometimes I think I do play a waiting game with motivation. I seem to wait for the time to be right before I make a move. I say, "I'll do __________ when we have our own house, or after the summer, or when I'm no longer pregnant", when the reality is that doing __________ has nothing to do with and is in no way hindered by where we live, the season, or an enormous belly. I know you don't have this problem and probably can't understand why or how someone would have such difficulty DOING things, not that I understand either. It's just a struggle I have sometimes. I don't like it and I hope to overcome it, but I also did not invite it and definitely experience setbacks at times that seem out of my control.
And that's all I have to say about that.
It is time to apply more flea medicine to our pets. I have no idea what we're having for dinner and it's five twenty. Gerret is doing pretty well considering his continued fever. Nolan played on our pull-out bed after school. It is the best kind of weather out today. I learned about harvesting black walnuts today.
And so concludes the first letter on here in quite a while and I'm sure you won't notice it for quite a while more.
Love, your lady
